For the past few weeks, between the class I’m taking and getting my house ready for my son’s Christmas visit, I’ve gotten behind in my reading. Playing catch-up, Time magazine recently published an article: “The Hell of PTSD”, by Tim McGirk, November 30, 2009 issue. I thought it was a good article, but since McGirk writes about our military, it addressed only veterans and the issues of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) connected to combat service.
The history of PTSD goes back a long way and was only brought to light through the experiences of soldiers returning from war. The website, www.psychiatric-disorders.com, Civil War veterans were described as having “soldier’s heart,”; World War I veterans were said to have “combat fatigue” or “shell shock,” and with World War II, the terminology became “battle fatigue” or “gross stress reaction.” Vietnam veterans brought home renewed symptoms in the 1970’s. That was also the time women were clamoring for more response for family issues like domestic violence and child abuse. The psychiatric community began to see the same symptoms of PTSD in women who had been sexually assaulted not only in adulthood, but even more so in those assaulted in childhood.
As a matter of fact, Dr. J. Douglas Bremner, MD, faculty member of the Departments of Diagnostic Radiology and Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine, Yale Psychiatric Institute, and National Center for PTSD-VA Connecticut Healthcare System, writes: “It is certainly far more widespread than most people realize. For example, a prime cause of PTSD is childhood sexual abuse. About 16% of American women (about 40 million) are sexually abused (including rape, attempted rape, or other form of molestation) before they reach their 18th birthday.”
He goes on to say that while several forms of trauma can ignite PTSD, that among women (2 to 3 times more susceptible to PTSD than men) childhood abuse may be the primary cause of PTSD. With further research, it has been determined that PTSD is not only a psychological issue; the way in which the brain operates in stressful situations actually changes, physically.
Whether veteran or not, PTSD can be debilitating. Bouts of rage are common (my issue with jobs); suicide and homicide rates go up (I won’t move in with my mother to take care of her – one of us would get hurt). Then there’s Dissociative Disorder that accompanies PTSD.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can talk about hours, days, weeks, months missing from my own memory banks. I can talk about voices – screaming above all other noise or whispering just outside my ability to understand the conversations – that are coming from inside my own head. I can discuss the nightmares, the occasional inability to determine reality from totally incorrect perceptions. I can discuss the loneliness that comes with the inability to trust, the numbness of shutting oneself off from the rest of the world.
At almost 60 years of age, PTSD has had a long time to establish itself. The child abuse happened in 1956 and I was too afraid to confide in anyone until 1966. By the time I was diagnosed, the symptoms had been part of my life, part of who I was. It didn’t have to have a name to exist. I dealt with the voices, the flashbacks, the days without conscious memory, the times when I thought I was simply going mad and someone would be along to lock me away.
It wasn’t until 5 years ago that I was given a diagnosis and yes, I research everything I can get my hands on because I’m trying my best to learn a new way of life. I’m thankful for the diagnosis; with it came the knowledge that I’m not crazy. Yes, the symptoms come and now I’m more aware and more capable of seeing a light at the tunnel beyond them. I’m even learning to create my own light! And that’s the point. My heart goes out to anyone suffering from the consequences of trauma, any trauma. Veteran or not – you are not alone.
